that exciting warren ellis "conversation" in full...


----- Original Message -----
From: WarrenE@aol.com
To: badsignal@lists.flirble.org
Sent: Thursday, January 09, 2003 10:40 PM
Subject: BAD SIGNAL: Sorry, It Fell Out Of My Head

bad signal
WARREN ELLIS

Foecal fat. See, that's the good stuff. It's the fat that clings to the
walls of the colon as you, you know, pass a stool.. You know, a
burger company came up with a super low calorie bun? But the oils
and stuff that made it low-calorie, they expressed out in the foecal fat.
Made it all greasy, so you couldn't hold your stools in. You imagine
that? A generation of kids slamming down their gutburgers and
then struggling out of the place trying to hold their stools in by
careful clenching and desperate willpower?

Anyway. Foecal fat. It's got the good stuff in it. See, there's good
fat and bad fat. That foecal fat, it's the good stuff. It's got all
those nice rich liver-processed essential dietary requirements in
it. It's, whatchacall, life extension. Keeps you young. And fit.
You have to kinda scrape it and distill it, you know.

And drinking it's a bitch.

You'd think it'd mix with orange juice or something, but it all kind of
seperates out, and you get this lid of foecal fat if you leave the glass
for too long. You have to chew it up before it goes down.

I tried getting a whisk in there, and using the orange juice with the
pulpy bits in, but...

No, the children don't like it. Sometimes little Josh has to have some
of my sleeping pills crushed up on his toast first. But he'll learn.
He's only five, after all. I mean, nobody likes it. My husband hated
it. Truth to tell, I think he hated the trips out at night to buy the bodies.
He was cheap and he resented missing the football. Oh, that's not
what he said. Of course it wasn't. But, you know, I said to him, nobody
likes scraping the foecal fat out of the colons of dead people and drinking
it.

But who wants to get old?

###


----- Original Message -----
From: Liam Astley
To: WarrenE@aol.com
Sent: Friday, January 10, 2003 4:58 AM
Subject: Re: BAD SIGNAL: Sorry, It Fell Out Of My Head

how many times can you misspell "faecal"?

oh, and "separate"?

thank god for editors eh?

love from liam

ps i still love you, despite your faults, that should count for something


----- Original Message -----
From: WarrenE@aol.com
To: liam@dogzilla.co.uk
Sent: Friday, January 10, 2003 12:40 PM
Subject: Re: BAD SIGNAL: Sorry, It Fell Out Of My Head

In a message dated 1/10/03 4:58:38 AM GMT Standard Time, liam@dogzilla.co.uk writes:

>how many times can you misspell "faecal"?

It was late. Mummy had tucked you up in bed long ago.

-- W


i like the whole "while you were in bed sonny boy" putdown, despite the fact that i was emailing him at ten to five in the morning. i think this is probably testament to mr ellis's drinking prowess