Rebecca Borgstrom has a blog. I *heart* Rebecca Borgstrom (copyright G. Allan)

It has stuff like this on it:

Have you ever had one of those days, when your chest bursts open and an alien flies out, only instead of an evil parasitic alien, it's actually an aromatherapy alien? And so you grab two armfuls of alien and inhale deeply and go, 'Ahhhhh?'

I've often thought that the best aliens smell of vanilla, although pomegranate can be nice. A little lavender is soothing when something's just burst out of your chest; but sometimes you want a more earthy smell.

Oh, funny story about chest-bursting aliens. Once upon a time, there were the twelve animals of the Chinese zodiac: Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rooster (but not Hen, since girls are a different animal), Rabbit, Monkey, Dragon, Horse, Hopping Vampire, Snake, Goat, and Alien. They could not decide what order the zodiac years would go in. So they held a contest: they would order the cycle based on the order the various animals reached the far side of a river.

"Hey!" said Hopping Vampire. "Why is this river made of sanctified rice?"

"Purely a coincidence," said Rat, ruffling whiskers.

"And patrolled by Ninja Tathagata, with kung-fu grip?" asked Monkey, who had had unfortunate encounters with Tathagata and the B-Team before.

"Look," explained Rat. "I am not responsible for the condition of this river, which we have chosen at random."

"But there's a billboard," said Ox. "River by Rat."

"Calvin Klein," said Rat. "It's River by Calvin Klein. *Abbreviated* Rat."

"Ah," said Ox. "That makes sense, then."

"Besides, what are you worried about?" asked Rat. "It's not like you have anything to fear from rice or Ninja Tathagata."

"This is true," allowed Ox. "My anti-enlightenment stare defeats all Buddhas!"

"It's a NINJA BUDDHA," said Monkey, in frustration. "Standard techniques don't work!"

"Okay, look," said Ox. "Just in case, we'll distract Ninja Tathagata with the goat's Buddha Call."

Monkey looked hopefully at Goat.

Resignedly, Goat trudged a ways down the river. "Help, help," he said. "I am suffering the pangs of desire brought on by ignorance of the true nature of reality. Can anyone save me from the burdens of the skandhas?"

Ninja Tathagata's ears sprang straight up. "Someone's in trouble!" He threw down a Ninja Buddha Ball and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"RUN!" said Rat. "Before he returns from Ninja Nirvana!"

They all bolted for the river, save for Hopping Vampire, who could not touch sanctified rice.

Ox was the strongest swimmer, so pretty soon Ox was almost to the far edge. But secretly, Rat was riding on Ox's head!

"I'm so clever!" laughed Rat. "Soon I'll rule the zodiac!"

"What's that?" asked Ox.

"I mean, look out, Enlightenment Shuriken!"

Ox weaved from side to side in the river, dodging the hail of shuriken manifested by Ninja Tathagata's magnificent beneficence towards all living things. He was almost to the far edge, when Rat *leapt* for the shore!

Suddenly, Rat's chest burst open and Alien jumped out. That's how Alien won the zodiac, and why so few people are born in the year of the Hopping Vampire.

Damn you, Ninja Tathagata! Somehow, it's all your fault.