i have to walk up and down westbourne road at least a couple of times a day, sometimes 5 or 6 times a day. and every day i almost fucking full over and crack my head open. it's like the council worked out some sort of fucking checklist to design "the world's slippiest pavement".

• on a slope? - check
  
• worn-down paving stones? - check
  
• paving stones at random angles to each other? - check
  
• ground almost always wet due to rain? - check
  
• ground covered in a mulch made up of decomposing wet leaves? - check

one day they'll find me dead and you'll know who's to blame